


start to end

by investigate1d



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Stucky - Freeform, bucky's journal, bucky's notebook, during cacw, not totally stucky but def implied, post-CATWS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-14
Updated: 2016-06-14
Packaged: 2018-07-15 00:28:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7197932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/investigate1d/pseuds/investigate1d
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a look into bucky's journal from the end of catws (captain america: the winter soldier) to the end of cacw (captain america: civil war)</p>
            </blockquote>





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**Author's Note:**

> considering none of bucky's entries were actually featured in either of the movies, this is completely made up and guessed ! i just really really liked the thought of seeing his progress in written form !! this is pretty short and not all that detailed, but it was very fun (and painful) to write, which is always gr8 ! so basically this is 'a look inside' to the journal of bucky's that was featured in cap: the winter soldier !!  
>   
> hello!! an update in 2017: i may possibly continue with this once infinity war is out (depending on how that story goes lmao)  
> ** = things he deems important & wants to look back on often

**_thursday, july 3rd, 2014_**  
  
captain america is looking for me.  
  
**_tuesday, july 14th, 2015_**  
  
i dreamt of an apartment, it’s hot and things are messy. there are hardly any lights on. a boy is sleeping.  
  
**_thursday, july 16th, 2015_**  
  
the boy was steve ( _captain america**_ )  
  
**_friday, july 17th, 2015_**  
  
visited a museum today. saw a face that looked like mine next to a name i didn’t recognize.  
  
**_thursday, july 23rd, 2015_**  
  
i’m a murderer, i can't forget that.**  
  
**_friday, august 7th, 2015_**  
  
i have a name, it is james buchanan barnes**. i saw myself at the museum last month.  
  
**_sunday, august 9th, 2015_**  
  
a lot of people called me bucky. it doesn’t feel as foreign, but still not right.  
  
**_wednesday, august 12th, 2015_**  
  
steve was my best friend.  
  
**_wednesday, august 12th, 2015_**  
  
he should still be my best friend.  
  
**_saturday, august 15th, 2015_**  
  
i want to know who i was before.  
  
**_friday, august 28th, 2015_**  
  
i had a dream that i was hugging steve and telling him that time would be cut short.  
  
**_wednesday, september 2nd, 2015_**  
  
my name is bucky.**  
  
**_friday, september 4th, 2015_**  
  
reminder to find out the meaning of "meme"**  
  
**_sunday, september 6th, 2015_**  
  
steve loved me.  
  
**_tuesday, september 8th, 2015_**  
  
i think these are all dreams, i don’t trust my mind.  
  
**_wednesday, september 9th, 2015_**  
  
i really don't like the internet.  
  
**_saturday, september 12th, 2015_**  
  
i can’t tell the difference between a nightmare, a dream, and a memory. this is too much.  
  
**_sunday, september 13th, 2015_**  
  
i need to take a break for awhile.  
  
**_sunday, november 22nd, 2015_**  
  
i saw him.  
  
**_friday, november 27th, 2015_**  
  
just because i can’t always put the two together doesn’t mean it’s not real.**  
  
**_tuesday, december 1st, 2015_**  
  
we used to go sledding on the hill near the high school.  
  
**_wednesday, december 16th, 2015_**  
  
i am reminded of how much i loathe myself.  
  
**_monday, january 4th, 2016_**  
  
the beginning of another year, but i don’t know who i was or who i am.  
  
**_wednesday, january 6th, 2016_**  
  
i crave intimacy. some days it feels like it'll consume me.  
  
**_friday, january 8th, 2016_**  
  
i saw him on tv and immediately recognized him.  
  
**_wednesday, january 13th, 2016_**  
  
my heart is heavy and i don’t know why.  
  
**_sunday, january 17th, 2016_**  
  
i’ve started to listen to the music of this time, it’s confusing. i must be ancient. i am ancient. fuck.  
  
**_friday, january 22nd, 2016_**  
  
i’m holding onto a thread of myself and i refuse to let go.  
  
**_saturday, january 23rd, 2016_**  
  
i’ve been living as a person of 2016, it’s unsettling. i don't understand most things people talk about, sometimes it causes me to panic.  
  
**_wednesday, february 3rd, 2016_**  
  
steve is still looking for me.  
  
**_thursday, march 10th, 2016_**  
  
i don’t have to listen to you anymore. get out of my head.  
  
**_saturday, march 12th, 2016_**  
  
people are looking for me. i didn’t hurt anyone this time.  
  
**_sunday, march 13th, 2016_**  
  
i spoke to steve.  
  
**_tuesday, march 29th, 2016_**  
  
i spent time with him. memories are coming constantly now. i don’t feel as lonely knowing someone missed me.  
  
**_wednesday, march 30th, 2016_**  
  
i’m still a danger, despite the progress i’ve made.  
  
**_saturday, april 2nd, 2016_**  
  
i could be okay with time.  
  
**_monday, april 4th, 2016_**  
  
i’ll see you again, punk.


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